So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
