So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
