U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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