So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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