I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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