Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
