her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
