It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
