Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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