Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
