Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
