Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
