I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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