Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
