Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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