Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
