All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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