turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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