Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
