I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
