I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
