omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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