I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Randomize
