i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
