we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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