mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
