Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
