STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
