Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
