somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
