I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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