My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
