dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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