Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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