Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
