3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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