Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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