I haven't been this sober since birth.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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