It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
