Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
