Best friends brother. Beat that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
