her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to calm my uterus...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
