Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
