I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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Come on in and take your pants off
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