I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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