Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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