I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
