I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house