i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..