i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim