Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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