shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
