i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
