Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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