gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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