He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
