I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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