My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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