There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
