remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
