My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
